I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
