If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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