Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
