My liver just broke up with me...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
