I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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