my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
