shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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