When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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