U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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