My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
