Where is the hickey?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
