Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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