so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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