At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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