if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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