Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
