i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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