i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
