I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize