And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
