well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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