in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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