I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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