Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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