Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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