Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
