Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
