I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
