He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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