look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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