Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
either way he was missing a nipple.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
