Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
