are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
where am i from again
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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