I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
