i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
