I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
