make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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