Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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