his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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