OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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