i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
