Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize