I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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