Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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