Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
