Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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