We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
