4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My dick has a subreddit
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
