Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
