Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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