the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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