listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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