i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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