I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
