god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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