Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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