the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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