I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
