dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize