he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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