Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How naked do you want me to be?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
