perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
