Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
