Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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