Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
